Test for 2012

Listening is a Skill

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Years ago there was this fairytale about meeting the "right" one for you and then living like Shrek and Fiona, complete with a car, house and 2.5 children. That fairytale was the American Dream! But when reality has set in on that relationship do you find that your relationship falls short of those goals? Is it really possible to have a relationship that is beneficial to both partners? Can you keep the "fire" lit for years and years to come or is it just easier to play the role that all is good? An also, is the seven year itch now more like the three year itch?

Past numbers have purported that in the seventh year of a relationship is when it has the opportunity to turn to shit. There are laundry lists that exist for why this occurs. Below are the top ten:

 1. Weight gain/lack of exercise

2. Money & Spend thriftiness

3. Anti-social working hours

4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness)

5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little

6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.)

7. Alcohol - drinking too much

8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits

9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes

10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc.

(provided by Psychology Today)

Good reasons but these issues have began to rear their ugly head quicker than Lil Wayne tossing back a cup of Purple Drank. Now experts report that the above issues begin at the three year mark. Half the time as it has in the past. Is the attention span of the average person that much shorter than it was just a few years ago? Why is that mates become bored in the relationship anyway. Is it truly the issues above or are they just simply facades to what the real underlying issues really is, but no one wants to speak about? Relationships are hard enough but if you have made it to the three year mark you have a good chance to continue and beat the numbers that say you can't. The main issue is being able to talk, communicate, converse. Whether face to face, by letter, email or smoke signals, it must be done. When a couple loses the ability to relate to one another then they open their relationship up to many germs that can injure or kill their relationship as a whole. 

Women in general are communicators and they learn how to perfect this skill much earlier in life than men do. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but for the predominate amount of women this is true. Smart mates will agree with this. Being a good communicator means that they are going to want to talk when they sense a problem arising in efforts to talk it out and not allow it to become a larger issue. Now, there are some mates that will say that women let things fester inside and then one day they explode. Totally untrue. She has said something in the past, but you missed it because you employed selective listening when she mentioned it. But regardless, when she wants to talk about it at the onset or later simply sit down, turn off ESPN,  close the laptop, and shut down Angry Birds so that she has all of your attention. This works wonders men. A mate that listens is worth their weight in gold. Remember, listening is a learned and much appreciated skill. Doesn't cost you anything to earn and you don't have to take a class to become good at it. But what is the payoff?

The skill of listening is one that gives you rewards that you can't necessarily show or can you? A woman that has a mate that listens well and is cognizant of what her wishes and desires are is much more confident and she exudes that wherever she goes. That's the payoff. Being the mate of a confident women. Nothing hurts me more than a woman minus confidence. You can see it in how she walks, how she stands and you can hear it in her voice when she talks. On the other hand there is nothing sexier than a confident woman. That’s something that mate can be very proud of.  Doesn’t that make both partners want to attempt to make the relationship last past the “three to seven year itch of doom?”

Respecting your mate enough to listen to hear what they truly have to say is sexy enough to keep the relationship fresh. All anyone ever wants is to be heard. Communication should be an ongoing aspect of every relationship. A relationship is an endeavor that forever must employ conflict resolution in order to thrive and grow. It is the relationship fertilizer and it must be applied regularly. Remember, it is a two-way street. Otherwise you have a relationship that will wither and die. 

RELATIONSHIP 101: When communication ends, then so does the relationship. 

EnLYTEment from THE LYTE

MC Lyte-She IS the Light 

LIGHT: (N); a thing by means of which something can be started burning; the means by which light is let in; that which gives mental illumination; knowledge or information; enlightenment; that which inspires spiritual inspiration. 

A myriad of definitions that describe one five-letter word and can span many different directions. It’s funny how the definition of the word LIGHT can also pertain to a woman that has carried the moniker for some twenty-five years in the music industry and made a name for herself that still stands strong. When you visually experience “The Lyte” you see a small, intelligent attractive woman but when you encounter her true presence and that verbal delivery, ohhh that verbal delivery, your visual perception is suddenly transformed to the person that has been able to sustain a career and transform a fledgling genre of music into a powerhouse in the industry.

MC Lyte (The Lyte), as we all affectionally know Lana Moorer as, began her career in the rap game in the late 80’s and has not looked back. She began her career with a string of hits that took music by storm as we had never experienced the toughness, rawness and balls that she exuded in her rhymes and on stage presence. She was, and is, a tough cookie that has proven that she is a force to be reckoned with even when she was a 16 year old child.  With eleven albums, a plethora of awards and nominations later, footprints set in the sand for all other female emcees, as well as artists in general, to follow and years of life lessons learned along the way that could outshine any Lifetime movie, The Lyte has constructed a blueprint for success that seemed improbable when the critics, talking heads and musical experts said that her selected field of study wouldn't last because it was merely a fad. Lyte led the way for all female MC’s when she was thrust to the forefront of rap and in time made her presence known so much so that she was contacted by the Smithsonian in her later career for personal memorabilia for the museum to display proudly. Said Lyte “they called me up and asked was there something I wanted to contribute and I definitely knew I wanted to participate so I gave them something personal. A journal that was eventually the manuscript to a self-published inspirational book.”  That book, Just My Take (2007), is a mountain of information of inspirational words, passages and poems that she decided to share with us all. The book can be purchased by contacting Lyte on http://www.OFFICIALMCLYTE.COM/ and/or via Twitter @ twitter.com/#!/MCLYTE. It will be a great read for you so do yourself a favor and purchase the book for yourself and/or as a gift for someone that appreciates knowledge and literature. The multi-faceted musician has also broadened her horizons to include voice overs and a career that she has been involved with since 1997. Her voice can be heard on the STARZ Network, commercials from giants such as Nike, McDonald’s and projects with BET such as the BET Awards and the television show The Boot. Being such a busy little bee she answered my question of “Why?” with simply “I take down time but I'm not always fond of it. I like what I do, so to me working is fun! Downtime for me consists of reading (The Ten Commitments: David Simon: a rather encouraging read which suggests to the reader to change from the commandment mentality to a commitment mindset (Amazon)), writing and the gym.”  As far as other interests, when relaxing Lyte expressed that Esther Hicks (Inspirational Speaker) and The Vortex (being all that is and knowing that you are a part of it, Meditation, Yoga, and various other self-nurturing practices) are what fills her CD player at this time. Such an eclectic mix for such an eclectic woman!

With as much passion as she shows onstage I had to ask how she keeps the fire burning and what does she feel we all can do to encourage our communities to uplift and support each other more. Lyte said “of course, I love being in touch with my fans. It's an incredible experience to perform for every generation at once. Having traveled the world I know that poverty exists everywhere. There are people that are oppressed everywhere. Having witnessed that I'm involved with countless organizations that reach out and help the communities that are effected most by violence, AIDS and teenage pregnancy. I feel that we should talk and listen to one another, share our struggles and be willing to learn more about our neighbors.” The right to support other causes is the upmost to this lady and it makes anyone with a heart and compassion for their fellow man jump aboard and want to lend a helping hand themselves. 

I recently caught a very unexpected performance on Divas & Duets on VH1 of Lyte and Sugerland (Jennifer Nettles & Kristian Bush), who I personally think are AWESOME performers in their own right, and was blown away as they performed “Stuck Like Glue”.  Lyte said the collaboration came to fruition “when they called me up and asked was I interested in performing with them and I immediately said yes. I had a really good time with Sugarland! They are really cool people.” Not one to stick to one brand, genre or pigeon-holed character Lyte added that “growth can only happen when one believes they have something to learn.” Seeing  Lyte branch out even further with this country-pop infused band I had to ask her what does she see in her future and she answered “Not sure if I will do any further movies or television as God only knows that. My work affords me the ability to work on both the East and West coasts and I enjoy both, so and I’ll continue recording when I feel it and when I'm inspired. Until then....I'm chillin'.”  

This Lyte always has BEEN and always WILL be the epitome of the aforementioned definition of the Light! A Light I don't see dimming anytime soon. Continue to shine sister and spread the love and knowledge that you are respected and revered for.

God bless!

Patrick Dougherty-Stickworks Artist

Sculpture Patrick Dougherty works on campus

Renowned stickwork artist Patrick Dougherty recently visited the Guilford College campus to erect on of his many works of art. 

The process continues

    The sculpture is located on the Quad and is a visual sight to see. Dougherty, a resident of Chapel Hill, NC, has been a stick sculpture artist since he began the work  in the 1980's. He has a process where he collects sticks and brush and uses them to construct the sculptures. The Guilford project will remain on campus for the next year. Dougherty is known worldwide, as he has projects as far as  Chiba,  Japan, and is set to begin a new project in Dayton, Ohio at the Wegerzyn Gardens MetroPark on April 11, 2011. This project will add to the 200+ projects that Dougherty already has built.

Holy Rope
Chiba, Japan, 1992

    Go out to campus and take a look at the sculptures. They are large enough for you to walk into and take a seat, and strong enough to have not been damaged by the storm that coasted across NC this week. Grab the camera and go enjoy the beauty that Dougherty has constructed. The sculptures make the landscape even prettier, especially with the trees and plants blooming. 

Visitors gaze at the structure

Inside of the sculpture

Close up frontal view

View further pictures @ http://www.facebook.com/album.php?fbid=159431550783788&id=117079851685625&aid=36032

Hated It (in my Antwan Merriweather voice)!!

Why is it that so many hetero-men (hm) are intimidated by gay men? It seems that hm's loose their balance when they come into contact with them and I just don't get it. I don't use the word hate often, but this behavior causes me to feel like Blain and Twan (see above).

Just last night, I'm in the Teeter and a gay couple came to the self-checkout and stood in line. The men that were in line tensed up tighter than those ladies that clutch their purses when I enter the elevator (that's another story for a later date). We had been making small talk before the couple entered the line but now, they all got quiet as church mice. Now, I'll talk to anyone regardless of the sexual persuasion, so when I heard the couple talking about grilling out and watching the Final Four this weekend, I had to ask..."Is that an open invitation? I'll bring the wings!" You would have thought that I had offended Zeus the Greek God by the way the other men in the line gasped. A simple conversation with two, quit attractive men, now made the other straight men seem offended.
Offended? REALLY! Why? I think when it comes to gay men hm's have a thing or two to learn from them.
1. How to dress. Gay men have hella good style.
2. How to take care of their body hygiene. Many men walk around with dirty, long nails and have no problem with it. A quick tutorial from a gay man would remedy this.
3. How to interact with other males. Interacting with other men doesn't have to entail a lot of high fives, elaborate hand shakes and gratuitous use of profanity in order for it to be a good time.
4. How to speak intelligently. Is it me or do most men under 35 mumble when they speak?
5. How to converse with gay men w/o thinking they "want" you. HM's seem to think that every gay man  is interested in them so they can't look them in the eye when they are in their presence. I guess if they do, maybe they feel they'll be hypnotized by the gay-vibe and weird things will start happening.

My point is, gay men are who they are. Just like a mechanic is who he is, an athlete is who he is, a drug dealer is who he is. We don't feel odd when one of them is in our presence so why do some of us change when a gay man is? Gay men know who is gay and they have a much better gay-dar than hm's could even wish for. Gay men don't have sexual thoughts about every hm that they encounter. Sometimes I wonder if the reason that many hm's feel like eye candy to gay-men is because they have sexual gay thoughts in the back of their minds. If you think about the hazing that occurs with straight men, it usually always involves some type of male on male contact (something stuck in the ass, tea-bagging, simulated oral and my favorite offensive-act, the pictures with cocks drawn on a males face). Look, gay men are funny, smart and great conversationalists. They know who they want and aren't on a hunt to bring every hm to the "gay side". So hm's relax and stop being so uptight when you encounter a gay man/men. They shop like everyone else and aren't on a mission to feel your "manly-bits" up and accost you at every interaction. They are simply men as well..better dressed and smelling than you probably are, though.

Teachers: HANDS OFF!!

      Yet again, another NC teacher has been charged with sexual assault. This time in Burlington, NC an incident and arrest has occurred in what is becoming an all too familiar happening. Just to name a few........
        

      Williams High School assistant football coach  Robert Alfonzo Clapp, has been charged with one count of statutory sex offense and one count of sexual activity between school personnel and a student.  

       James Meskill, teaching assistant at JH Gunn Elementary School in Mint Hill, was charged with first degree sexual exploitation of a minor and first degree sexual offense against a 2-year-old. Meskill is alleged to have recorded the act on his camera and then took the camera to school to loan to a fellow teacher, without erasing the images and video of the act. 


      Mark Tobin Mercer, math teacher and girls volleyball coach at Jefferson Middle School in Winston-Salem, NC was arrested and charged with having sex with two 14-year-old female students. In total, Mercer is charged with thirteen counts of first-degree statutory rape, eight counts of felony sex offense with a student and eight counts of taking indecent liberties.

      Rodney Donnell Ellis, special needs teacher and coach at Western Harnett High School in Lillington, NC has been charged with having sex with a 17-year-old female student.


      Whew, and that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how rampant these crimes have become. Where did the line become so skewed, for a growing ratio of teachers that are thought of as educational-parents to our children, that they have approved it "ok" to sleep with these kids? Is it their upbringing, their want to be loved or desired, negative self-esteem, or the wish to be the "cool teacher"? I wish there was some interpersonal test given at licensure testing to weed out the "predators" (YES I SAID IT) that prey on the children that go to school to learn. 
      Now I know that I am going to receive email after email from those readers that will state "girls aren't built like they were years ago, and neither are female teachers", "the way that girls dress these days they are asking for it" and the ever popular one "we connected. they were so much more mature than other teens their age..we are in love". Regardless of the way that a child is built or dresses, they are still a child. Plain an simple. Nothing changes that until they reach the age of consent and are deemed an adult and can act, live and make decisions on their own. Until that time leave them alone and let them be a child. These predators prey upon these kids daily and have no idea the harm that they do to them. Teens have enough issues without being preyed upon by the only adult in the classroom. But these teachers seem to take advantage of every possible opportunity that they can to snatch the innocence from these children, male and female. 
      When I first started recognizing the problem with the teacher-student issue, it appeared to be mainly female teachers and male students but in no time at all the males have caught up and passed them. Knowing the way that part of society looks at situations of this manner, the numbers may not have been reported correctly when it involved males as frequently as it was when females were involved because when it involves males it's different. Male-student relationships are looked at differently than female-student relationships. For what ever biased reason, it is just that way. It's not right, and I don't agree with that thinking but I hear and notice it all the time. When a male teacher sleeps with a student, he is looked upon as  "the man" while the female teacher is looked at as "OMG! I can't believe she done that!" Why the difference? Both crimes are wrong as hell! 
      The sex of the offender, the beauty, the virility or the sexiness of the teacher doesn't matter either. And the place that they will find out that it REALLY doesn't matter is when they are sentenced and are sent into gen-pop at the local prison. There  is not much "honor among thieves and inmates" but they DO band together in a violent way when they encounter fellow inmates that are charged with sex crimes against childen. So a call to arms to all of those teachers that are thinking about and/or having sex with a student as we speak, in the final words of one the best Spike Lee joints.....WAKE UP!!!! Sex isn't worth your freedom or your career! Even if a 14 year old says "Yes, I want to have sex with you.", you as the educator and peer should have enough restraint to mentor the child toward a positive direction and tell them "No".
     That is all! My rant is over for the day!

Cool Post

http://www.headlineshirts.net/

Surfing the net as I do, I ran across a site that I definitely recommend to any t-shirt enthusiast. Site is mad hot with VERY cool captioned shirts. Stays current and still includes old school printing but all in all is a site that will keep your interest if you are into print tees. Summer is coming so ladies and gents check it out.  Darwin-Scarface to Da Vinci Rock Man and many more in between. Crazy shirts with even crazier ideas attached. Go over and check them out.

No Sex in the Champagne Room

           As an older person enrolled in a mainly twenty-something campus of students I find myself perturbed daily by something asinine that one of them has said at the minimum of three times a day. One of the main issues that I find myself encountering is when one of the youngsters will correct me when I have made a statement that is part of an open class discussion.

           Just recently while in Philosophy we discussed the sex trade and prostitution. Somehow we ventured off into strippers and how they vary from a "streetwalker". It amazed me to see how removed these children were from the reality of what occurs in a typical ass-shaking club. They bantered back and forth that strippers are not in any way like a prostitute because "they don't sell their bodies"......"they don't have sex with their customers"....."a woman doesn't HAVE to be a prostitute but women DO strip to pay tuition and other expenses". Many of them stuck to their guns and believed that there is no touching in the club because "it's against the law"! I almost fell out of my desk as I reveled that they REALLY thought this way. Ahhh, how cute and pure!  So I interjected, playing devils advocate, by stating "there IS touching going on in the strip clubs"...."you CAN receive sex acts in the strip club for the right amount of money"....and "women become prostitutes for the same financial reasons that were mentioned in reference to why a woman strips".

           At that point the conversation took a turn that was extremely odd to me. The youngsters started to dispute every statement that I made. One student in a rather crass manner stated "there is NO way that sex goes on in strip cubs because the police would have shut them down. You might want to think about making statements like that without having evidence". Now, having a legal background and being trained to understand that you must research before making statements because the whole "evidence" thing is sort of important, I do not make false outspoken utterances. Also being a former strip club DJ and having a birds eye view from the front row of the sex, drugs and rock and roll that occur in many strip clubs I had to explain to this fellow student that I DID know what happens and was simply trying to educate his immature mind to the issues that are and do happen there. A stripper is working for tips so their pay depends on how "in touch" they are with their potential clients. No talky and touchy then no "making it rain" for them. No rain means no money to pay bills which kind of makes the job not worth it.  In the same manner that waitresses at Hooters will chat it up with a party in order to garner tips when they leave, a stripper does the same thing. If they don't not get personal and ask the client about their day or  what work they do then they don't make the interaction personable. A personable stripper is one that can sell water to a whale so making conversation with a client so that they will spend money is well, child's play for them. For these same strippers to skirt about the law and do something that has been stated illegal, like selling sex, it is a feat that occurs more times a day than many would like to believe or realize.

           To seriously think that because there are laws on the books stating what can and cannot occur in a strip club and that these laws will be obeyed is to say, at the least, very positive thinking but then there is reality. Strip clubs are cesspools for crime, drugs and especially sex.  Sex happens by the minute in those clubs and all it takes is the right amount of money and an agreement between the client and the dancer. I find it admirable that the young mind thinks that strip clubs are simply clubs for women to strip in and clients to frequent, minus sex ever happening. Ahhh, the young, uneducated, immature, brash, mind of a college kid out of their parents home for the first time! Does anything else get more pure and yet as arrogant? NOPE!!!

Chicken & Waffles on Tate Street

  CHICKEN WAFFLES.....you now have my attention Sir!! That was my reaction when I heard of a new restaurant here in Greensboro last weekend and I had to venture out and check it out, because thats what I do.

Located at 401 Walker Avenue, right in the heart of the downtown UNCG campus, lies a quant little restaurant that has been opened for all of 4 months. Being new to that area, I am  Guilford-Man myself, I had to get out there and check it out with the quickness. When I located it I was pleasantly surprised once stepping inside and meeting the co-owner Jean Wilson as she manned the front counter taking orders from the myriad of customers that were in line. Amongst the hustle and bustle you can tell that she is full of personality and when it is my turn to order the personality exuded itself the minute she smiled. Standing all of 5 feet 2 inches she possesses a much larger persona but has the tact and personalization to make you feel like you are her only customer. EVER! She took a few moments during a slow time to answer a few questions in reference to her business and I was happy as a clam at the end of the conversation. She mentioned that she opened the restaurant in an eloquent story that also included her love for her husbands mother whom had passed away recently. Always wanting to own a restaurant, she died before she was able to make this dream a reality, along comes Jean and her husband, Renaldo Wilson to fulfill that wish right here in NC. 

The restaurant has a specialty of down home cooking and they do it to a rare form. The best items on the menu range from fried fish, chili-cheese fries and the pinnacle, the chicken and waffles. I had to get my hands on the chicken and waffles and was so pleased when I did that I felt like getting up from the table, going behind the counter and smacking Renaldo AND Jean because they didn’t tell me that it was going to be sooooo good. The very generous portions that they include on the plates are from the days of old before establishments started portion controlling the adult plates so that they mirrored Kids-Meals. The chicken and waffle plate comes to the table piping hot with the oversized waffle anchoring the three massive sized chicken wings that are plated and displayed in a three piece triangular shape. There is nothing bad that I could say and less that I wanted to say once I poured the syrup and sliced into my first bite. The food is prepared in such a meticulous manner that you almost don’t want to disturb the picturesque plate as it is served to you. Savory food without the usual over-salting that you typically find in soul food or down south restaurants was a welcomed surprise.

Opening the restaurant where they did has a backstory that coincides with where these Chicago natives are from. The prior restaurant in the space was called ‘Windy City” so they knew when the realtor explained to them that they had found gold and would be planting their roots here to make Moms dream come true. Being able to spread their genuine love and kindness thru the joy of food the Wilsons are a class act and have one of the best up and coming eateries in the Greensboro area. 

GEANA’S RESTAURANT

401 Waker Avenue

Greensboro, NC 

336-275-2688

Promiscuity For Real

This week in Psych we read an article by Frederick Elliston about promiscuity and it started me to thinking about some of the references in it. The writer professes that there are rules to promiscuity and who can engage in it and I felt that he couldn't have been more wrong. He boasts that homosexuals and lesbians CANNOT be promiscuous because according to his scale in order to be promiscuous one has to engage in sex with a person of the other sex. Now, I have Straight friends as well as Homosexual, Lesbian and Bi friends and regardless of how respectful they are of their relationship or not when they mess around multiple times they are just as promiscuous as a straight person. I don't think the reading is as intelligent as we are as people today. The more I read of some of these reading of old the more I'm glad that I am a person of the more forward-thinking-age. Had I been alive during the times that these types of thinking were the norm I would have been even more of an outcast than I felt when I was a teen. Reasoning: I don't have an issue with promiscuity because I think that sex is wonderful and SHOULD be explored before and depending on the situation DURING marriage. As long as the people involved in the relationship know and then agree that sleeping with others, whether as a couple or by their own single hookups, is ok then whats the problem (COMMUNICATION; Thanks Hannah). All involved are happy and they are being fulfilled sexually. We all are different and sometimes that love that we have for a mate isn't enough o make the sex all that you wish it could be.

I really feel that promiscuity is such a nasty biased word to describe a natural act regardless of how many partners one has. Variety is the spice of life and without being able to enjoy an active sex life how can one experience that variety? College life is the perfect time to experiment and do the sexual research that allows us to find out what we like and dislike. But reading articles like the one mentioned above could cause students to feel negatively about their sexuality and thus cause them to shut down and not be able to enjoy an active sex life because they may soon draw the moniker of being promiscuous or a hoe or in the situation of men....a stud (I'll be back to discuss that comparison soon)!

https://moodle.guilford.edu/file.php?file=%2F4962%2FElliston-InDefenseOfPromiscuity.pdf