Listening is a Skill

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Years ago there was this fairytale about meeting the "right" one for you and then living like Shrek and Fiona, complete with a car, house and 2.5 children. That fairytale was the American Dream! But when reality has set in on that relationship do you find that your relationship falls short of those goals? Is it really possible to have a relationship that is beneficial to both partners? Can you keep the "fire" lit for years and years to come or is it just easier to play the role that all is good? An also, is the seven year itch now more like the three year itch?

Past numbers have purported that in the seventh year of a relationship is when it has the opportunity to turn to shit. There are laundry lists that exist for why this occurs. Below are the top ten:

 1. Weight gain/lack of exercise

2. Money & Spend thriftiness

3. Anti-social working hours

4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness)

5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little

6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.)

7. Alcohol - drinking too much

8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits

9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes

10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc.

(provided by Psychology Today)

Good reasons but these issues have began to rear their ugly head quicker than Lil Wayne tossing back a cup of Purple Drank. Now experts report that the above issues begin at the three year mark. Half the time as it has in the past. Is the attention span of the average person that much shorter than it was just a few years ago? Why is that mates become bored in the relationship anyway. Is it truly the issues above or are they just simply facades to what the real underlying issues really is, but no one wants to speak about? Relationships are hard enough but if you have made it to the three year mark you have a good chance to continue and beat the numbers that say you can't. The main issue is being able to talk, communicate, converse. Whether face to face, by letter, email or smoke signals, it must be done. When a couple loses the ability to relate to one another then they open their relationship up to many germs that can injure or kill their relationship as a whole. 

Women in general are communicators and they learn how to perfect this skill much earlier in life than men do. This isn't a hard and fast rule, but for the predominate amount of women this is true. Smart mates will agree with this. Being a good communicator means that they are going to want to talk when they sense a problem arising in efforts to talk it out and not allow it to become a larger issue. Now, there are some mates that will say that women let things fester inside and then one day they explode. Totally untrue. She has said something in the past, but you missed it because you employed selective listening when she mentioned it. But regardless, when she wants to talk about it at the onset or later simply sit down, turn off ESPN,  close the laptop, and shut down Angry Birds so that she has all of your attention. This works wonders men. A mate that listens is worth their weight in gold. Remember, listening is a learned and much appreciated skill. Doesn't cost you anything to earn and you don't have to take a class to become good at it. But what is the payoff?

The skill of listening is one that gives you rewards that you can't necessarily show or can you? A woman that has a mate that listens well and is cognizant of what her wishes and desires are is much more confident and she exudes that wherever she goes. That's the payoff. Being the mate of a confident women. Nothing hurts me more than a woman minus confidence. You can see it in how she walks, how she stands and you can hear it in her voice when she talks. On the other hand there is nothing sexier than a confident woman. That’s something that mate can be very proud of.  Doesn’t that make both partners want to attempt to make the relationship last past the “three to seven year itch of doom?”

Respecting your mate enough to listen to hear what they truly have to say is sexy enough to keep the relationship fresh. All anyone ever wants is to be heard. Communication should be an ongoing aspect of every relationship. A relationship is an endeavor that forever must employ conflict resolution in order to thrive and grow. It is the relationship fertilizer and it must be applied regularly. Remember, it is a two-way street. Otherwise you have a relationship that will wither and die. 

RELATIONSHIP 101: When communication ends, then so does the relationship.